"Heart Transplant" joke
An elderly man was in need of a heart transplant and his doctor was discussing his options with him.
"We have three possible donors, Mr. Smith." the doctor said. "You'll have to tell me which one you'd like us to use. The first is a healthy athlete who was killed in a car crash. The second is a middle-aged businessman who died in an accident, never having had a drink and never having smoked his entire life. The third is a lawyer who died after practicing law for 25 years."
The patient thought it over and told his doctor that he would take the lawyer's heart.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient his reason for choosing the donor he did.
"It was an easy decision, doctor," replied the patient. "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!
A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.