"Dear Wife" joke
DEAR WIFE
I'm writing this letter to you to tell you that I'm leaving you.
I've been a good man to you for seven years, yet I have nothing to show for it.
Life with you is unbearable. I called you at work just to see if you wanted to have lunch ( you know, maybe try to reconnect) and your boss told me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new aircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers to bed.
You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want to be intimate or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your Ex-husband
P. S.: Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia, if that's a problem, TOUGH!
DEAR EX-Husband:
Nothing has made my day better than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch TV so much to try to drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad it doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a haircut last week; the first that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice.
And when you cooked my favorite meal you obviously got me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I hoped it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that morning and your silk shorts cost $49. 99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out, so when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for $10, 000, 000, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Switzerland, but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said, with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So, enjoy your new life!
P. S.: I don't know if I ever told you this, but Carla, my sister, was born CARL. I hope that's not a problem.
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women.
Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman more...
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badlyscrewed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lampwashing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to more...
A blind man and his seeing eye dog are in the supermarket doing some shopping. Suddenly in the middle of an aisle, the man picks up his dog by the tail and starts swinging it around. A startled shop assistant rushes over and says to the man "What's the matter?" she more...
The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on' It's a Terrible Experience'."
12. "Due to more...