"Chuck Norris gargle" joke

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.