"Christmas Carol Parrot" joke
A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
''It's beautiful!'' cried the man, ''Does he do any tricks?''
''Yes he does,'' answered the salesman. ''If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'''
''Amazing!'' exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.
''Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know know any tricks?'' asked the wife. The man smiled and said, ''Watch this.'' Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'
''That's incredible! Does he do anything else?'' the wife asked.
''I don't know, lets see.'' replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the birds legs.
''Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...''
Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face as he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked. more...
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret more...
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when applying to NYU where he now attends.
3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY more...
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week.""Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?""He must more...
"I have read your essay about your house," scowled the professor, "and it's exact the same as your brother's from last year."
"Of course," says the student, "It's the same house."