"Birds" joke
One day a lady rushes into the George W. Bushs office. Surprised the president says, Whats the matter? The lady then says, We just got news that the bird flu is spreading, and we need to do something about it! So the same day George Bush makes a live, emergency announcement saying, The bird flu is spreading so I have gathered my troops. We will take war on the Canary Islands in a couple of hours.
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes