"Bernie at the Races" joke
Rabbi Levine is walking slowly out of a Shul in Golders Green when a gust of wind blows his hat down the street. He's an old man and can't walk fast enough to catch his hat. Across the street, Bernie sees what's happening, rushes over, grabs the hat and returns it to Rabbi Levine. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat." Rabbi Levine says. He places his hand on Bernie's shoulder and says, "May God bless you." Bernie thinks, "I've just been blessed by the Rabbi, this must be my lucky day." So he goes to the races and sees in the first race a horse named' Top Hat' at 20 to 1. He bets £50 and the horse comes in first. In the second race, Bernie sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1 so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. When Bernie finally returns home to his wife, she asks him where he's been. He explains how he caught the Rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to a betting office and started winning on horses that had a hat in their names. "So where's the money?" she asks. "I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named Chateau and it lost." "You fool, Chateau is a house, Chapeau is a hat." "It doesn't matter," Bernie said, "the winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulka."
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.4. Say, more...
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!