"Animal Complaints" joke
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."
The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs."
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Maori falla " Me miss!?"
English Teacher, "You! yes you?" "How many seconds are there in one minute?" Whole class puts their hands up. Miss! Miss! I know!
Maori falla " rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr "60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...