Zipper Jokes / Recent Jokes
This guy had been ship wrecked on a deserted island for over 11 years. One day as he was walking down the beach he thought he saw someone. He wasn't sure, but as he got closer he realized that it was a woman. A beautiful woman wearing a zippered jump suit.
He was shocked! As he approached he called out to her, and asked how she got there. She stated that she had been shipwrecked.
He couldn't believe his luck.
She unzipped a front pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She asked "How long has it been since you had one of these?"
And offered him one.
Then she asked if he was was thirsty. He said sure. So she unzipped the right pocket zipper and pulled out 2 drinks.
By now this guy was really excited. This was great! Then she asked if he was hungry. He said "you Bet!" And from the left zipper pocket she pulled out 2 cheeseburgers.
Then as she slowly started unzipping a long zipper down the side of her jump suit, she asked" And how more...
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down."
Absent Minded: Opens his vest, pulls out his tie, and pisses in his pants. Clever: Uses no hands, shows off by fixing tie with both hands, looks around for admiration, and sometimes ends up pissing on the floor and onto his shoes. Cross-eyed: Looks into urinal on the left, pisses into the one in the center, and flushes the one on the right. Desperate: Waits in a long time, teeth floating and feet shuffling. Starts to piss as he walks up to urinal but before he can unzip himself. Lets out a long groan and grunt as he finally gets to relieve himself. Disgruntled: Stands for a while, grunts, gives up, and walks away. Drunk: Holds left thumb in right hand and pisses into his pants. Easily induced: Any thought, mention, sight, or slosh of a liquid, from sipping coffee to a runny nose, causes bladder to immediately signal full condition. Efficient: Waits until he has to crap, then does both at once. Erect: Either because his bladder is full or he just saw a sexy woman, his penis is so erect more...
Simon was a meek little man married to a strong-minded woman, although all his friends at work kept telling him to assert himself.
One night, his wife told him, "Simon, tomorrow we're going into town to buy you a new pair of trousers."
They went to the shop the following day and she picked out the trousers for him.
"Now these come in different styles," the clerk said, "Do you want a button fly or a zipper fly?"
"Zipper," Simon quickly replied.
"Very good, sir," said the clerk, "and would you like a five-inch zip or a ten-inch?"
"Ten-inch," said Simon, before his wife could intervene.
When they got outside, his wife was livid. "You!" she hollered. "You and your ten-inch zip! Gracious, you remind me of the man who lives next door to my aunt. Every morning he goes out to his garage, unlocks it, opens the eight-foot double doors, then he wheels his bike out!"
Absent Minded: Opens his vest, pulls out his tie, and pisses in his pants.Clever: Uses no hands, shows off by fixing tie with both hands, looks around for admiration, and sometimes ends up pissing on the floor and onto his shoes.Cross-eyed: Looks into urinal on the left, pisses into the one in the center, and flushes the one on the right.Desperate: Waits in a long time, teeth floating and feet shuffling. Starts to piss as he walks up to urinal but before he can unzip himself. Lets out a long groan and grunt as he finally gets to relieve himself.Disgruntled: Stands for a while, grunts, gives up, and walks away.Drunk: Holds left thumb in right hand and pisses into his pants.Easily induced: Any thought, mention, sight, or slosh of a liquid, from sipping coffee to a runny nose, causes bladder to immediately signal full condition.Efficient: Waits until he has to crap, then does both at once.Erect: Either because his bladder is full or he just saw a sexy woman, his penis is so erect that he more...