Yellow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Labrador retrievers (chocolate, yellow and black colored) are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The black lab turns to the chocolate and says, "So why are you here?"
The chocolate lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna give me Prozac", came the reply from the chocolate lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."
He then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I crossed the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are more...

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don''t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don''t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I''d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn''t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn''s correct number to call her, I found
that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the' 'wrong'' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You''re an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word' 'asshole'' next to it, and put it in my desk more...

There was this sailor aboard a large ship, Jones was his name and he never lost a bet.
The week before he bet the captain that the ship was going to experience the largest storm in history, the captain said "there is nothing on the radar, your on". That night the ship experienced the largest storm in history and the captain lost $200. Tired of loseing to Jones the captian decided to transfer him to the the flag ship with the fleet admiral. He warned the admiral never to bet with Jones he never losses a bet. One day Jones came up to the admiral and said, I bet you $20 you have hodgkins podgkins desease. The admiral replied "what the hell is that, how do know if you have hodgkins podgkins desease?" Jones said well there is only one way to tell if you have hodgkins podgkins desease you stick a banana up your ass and if it comes out red you have hodgkins podgkins desease if it comes out yellow you dont." The admiral dropped his pants and stuck a banana up his more...

Teacher:Can anyone tell me what a shamrock is?
Jimmy:It's a fake diamond, Miss.
What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?
The multiplication table.
'Why are you crying, Amanda?'asked the teacher.
'Cos Jenny's broken my new doll, Miss,' she cried.
'How did she do that?'
'I hit her on the head with it.'
The night-school teacher asked one of his pupils when he had last sat an exam.'1945'said the lad.
'Good lord! That's more than 50 years ago.'
'No, Sir! An a hour and a half ago. It's quarter past nine now.'
What is the most popular sentence at school?
I don't know!
Teacher: 'Are you good at arithmetic?'
Hal: 'Well, yes and no.'
Teacher: 'What do you mean, yes and no?'
Hal: 'Yes, I'm no good at arithmetic.'
Science teacher: 'Lisa, can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity?'
Lisa: 'Why, er...'
Science teacher: 'Wire is correct.'
When is a yellow school book not a yellow school more...

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.
The toad says "Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis."
"I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems," responds the wizard. "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz."
So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad.
"Oh wizard," the elephant begins, "please help me. I was born without a trunk."
Now the wizard is infuriated. "Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!"
The elephant responds "But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?"
"Oh that's easy," says the wizard. "Just follow the yellow dicked toad!"

There was a Latino man looking for job.
The boss asked, "Do you speak English?"
"Yes, Senor," he replied.
The boss continued, "I will test your comprehension, make a sentence with these three words: Green, pink and yellow."
The Latino man laughed, "That's easy, Senor. Here it is: The phone GREENS, I PINK it up and say YELLOW."