Worth Jokes / Recent Jokes

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control more...

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Corporate America.
1. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
2. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
3. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
4. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
5. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
6. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
7. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
9. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
10. Every time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk. PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20) - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general loser. ARIES (Mar21-Apr 20) - You are the pioneer type and think most people are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick. TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a communist. GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are more...

If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic.

If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.

If it doesn`t make sense, it`s either economics or psychology.

If it doesn`t work, expand it.

If it happens, it must be possible.

If it is good, they will stop making it.

If it is incomprehensible, it`s mathematics.

If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.

If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."

There's a Marine, an Airforce Commando, a Navy Seal and a Green Beret sitting around a campfire telling each-other how mean and tough they are.
The Marine says - "I can swim 50 miles and bite the head off a live chicken. One Marine is worth 5 other men."
The Airforce Commando says - "I can clear runways one-handed and kill a man with my bare hands. One Airforce Commando is worth 10 other men."
The Navy Seal says - "Yeah? Well I can dive up to 90 feet without air, and I'm an expert in demolitions. One Navy Seal is worth 13 other men."
The Green Beret just sat there all this time saying nothing, stirring the fire with his dick.

For Christmas last year my wife gave me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity Internet Web team in college, I decided it was a good idea to try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. I thought y'all might enjoy my journal:
Day 1:
Started the morning at 5: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club, Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about 30-50 points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was more...