Wont Jokes

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter. "Its me, Bill Clinton". "What bad things did you do on earth?" Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldnt hold that against me because I didnt inhale. And I lied, but I didnt commit perjury." After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, heres the deal. Well send you someplace where it is very hot, but we wont call it Hell. Youll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we wont call it eternity. And dont abandon all hope upon entering, just dont hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

Why wont the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage? Shes afraid theyll bring down the house.

three men a blonde a red-head and a brunette were out on a safari in africa they got lost in the middle of the jungle when they came across a tribe that said go find 5 fruit and we wont kill you but tell you the way out of the jungle, soo off the 3 went with a man from the tribe to make sure they didn't run off the brunette comes back with 5 grapes and the leader of the tribe says shove them up your butt and if you can and keep a staigh face we wont kill you the brunette does it while keeping a straight face so they show him the was out of the jungle. the red-head comes back with 5 cocnuts adn the leader says get on your knees and shove these up your butt while keeping a straight face and we will show you the way out of the jungle the man gets 3 up successfully and then starts to laugh the leader askes before he kills him why he was laughing the red-head replys "
i saw the blonde coming back with 5 watermelons"

1. Bicycles don't pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don't have parents.
4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Suprise, you're goning to own a new bicycle" unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.
16. You don't have to be jealous of more...

Why wont cannibals eat Frank Sinatra? Because hes always coming back!