Wallet Jokes / Recent Jokes
A poor man walks into a bar. Another man sat down 2 feet away from him, and pulled out a wad of $50s from his wallet. The poor man got an idea. He tells the rich man,
"I have a special talent. I bet you all the money in your wallet I can sing a song with any woman's name in it."
The rich man laughed. "Alright. How about my wife's name, Joanne Skyler Thomas?"
What does the poor man sing?
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Answer: "Happy Birthday" It's a real song, and can have anyone's name in it. The poor man walks away rich. The rich man walks away poor.
D E S M O I N E S, Iowa? Harpal Singh may have thought he'd seen the last of the man who just robbed him, but the suspect apparently had to get in the last word, police say.
When Singh, a clerk at a Citgo gas station, called police to report the heist, the suspect returned to the store and corrected his description.
Just as Singh told authorities the suspect was "5-something" in height, the suspect, Steven Hebron, told Singh, he was actually 6-foot-2, police said.
He also corrected the clerk when he said the robber was about 38 years old, according to the Des Moines Register "I'm 34," Hebron clarified.
The first time he left the Citgo Quik Mart last Wednesday evening, Hebron tried to run out with several cartons of cigarettes, police allege.
The bag ripped as he headed for the door, however, and Hebron's wallet fell on the floor, a cashier told authorities.
When the cashier yelled for help, Singh more...
A Father is a man with pictures in his wallet, where he used to keep his money when he was single.
A mugger approached a very well-dressed and dignified lawyer on a deserted street one night:
"Gimme your wallet and the keys to your car!"
The lawyer shook his head and said in a patronizing tone: "Do you have ANY idea what it's like to walk in my shoes or wear my clothes? I have more responsibility than you could imagine. I have a family and a firm with a hundred employees. I am in charge of it all! Look at these clothes! Do you know what I have to earn to WEAR a $3,000 suit like this? Look at this fifty dollar necktie! And these cufflinks! Now try to imagine what it is like to walk in these thousand dollar shoes! If you DID know, you would not mug me!"
The mugger looked at the pinstriped suit, the silk tie, the white shirt and the polished black business shoes worn by the lawyer.
He started to cry.
"I...I'm sorry!" he said. You're right!!"
And he lowered the gun.
"I don't want your wallet anymore or your more...
Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."
* This is a good reminder, for all of us. You can never read this
too many times!!
1. Tip from police: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough, USE IT!
2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more
interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has
saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their car after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to more...
A hillbilly went hunting one day in Georgia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like hillbillies.
The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license; the hillbilly pulled out a valid Georgia hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over an d picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said: "This duck ain't from Georgia. This is a Tennessee duck. You got a Tennessee huntin' license, boy?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt and said: "This ain't no Tennessee duck. This duck's From Mississippi. You got a Mississippi license?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Mississippi hunting license.
The warden then more...