Wallet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a longflight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks ifhe would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, sohe politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lottafun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get tosleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't knowthe answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you$50!"This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this tormentunless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the firstquestion. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Engineerdoesn't say a more...

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a
long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the
Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The
Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Programmer
persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun.
He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the
answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't
know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely
declines and tries to get to sleep. The Programmer,
now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the
answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay
you $50!" This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees
no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The Programmer asks the first question. "What's the more...

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

A blonde walked up to a man and said, “Give me your wallet. ”
The man said, “Okay, but give me the gun. ”
The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet.
The man used the gun to steal his wallet back.
The blonde said, “You’re an idiot - there’s no bullets in the gun. ”
The man replied, “You’re the idiot - there’s no money in the wallet. ”

So a ten-year old kid walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog on a
leash behind him. He goes up to the madam and says, "I'd like a lady
for the evening, please."
The madam looks down an him and says, "Sorry, Kid, you're too young."
So, the kid reaches into his wallet and pulls out a hundred
bucks. He says a bit more forcefully, "I'd like a lady for the
evening, PLEASE."
The madam, never passing up a chance to make money, replies, "OK,
Kid. What's your pleasure?"
The young man looks back at the dead frog and says, "She's gotta have
an active, scorching case of herpes."
The madam is offended. "Look, Kid, all my girls are clean."
The boy reaches back into his wallet and pulls out another fifty
bucks. "I want a dirty lady."
"OK. Go upstairs, first door on your left. I'll send her in."
So about 45 minutes later, the kid comes out, more...

The Five Stages Of DrunkenessStage 1 - CLEVERThis is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER. Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVEThis is when you realize that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 - RICHThis is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, more...

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on
a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the
Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The
Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy
and a lotta fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you
don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a
question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't
know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer,
I'll pay you $50!"
This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to
this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The
Programmer asks the first question. more...