Waitress Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. You are sitting in a resteront and your waitress is a brunet. How can you tell if she is really blond?
A. She has a tampon behind her ear and she is asking where her pencil is.

Heard from another good friend:
Two gentlemen are driving down the interstate and decide to stop at a
Truck Stop for dinner. They sit at the counter and when the waitress
arrives, both gentlemen order hamburgers.
The waitress promptly goes to the freezer, pulls out two patties, and
places one each under each arm. When asked what the hell is going on,
she calmly explains that they have no way to defrost the patties since
the microwave is broken.
Send one man to the other, "Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't order a hotdog."

A waitress walks up to the table of three Japanese men at a small restaurant in Butlerville, Ohio. When she gets to the table, the waitress noticed that the three men are furiously masturbating!
She asks, "What the hell are you perverts doing?"
To which one of the men replied, "We all berry hungry!"
She responds, "But why are you whacking off?"
One of the three says, "Because menu say "FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED"

A couple's having dinner in a restaurant when their waitress, standing a few tables away, watches as the guy slides all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him seems to not notice.
The waitress comes over and says, "Excuse me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman says, "No he didn't, he just walked in the door."

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

Harry and Sheila were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that Harry was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Sheila acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as Harry slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Sheila appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that Harry had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma`am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." Sheila calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn`t. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door."

Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer "one third x cubed."

She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
He repeats "one third x cubed".
She asks, "one thir dex cuebd?"
"Yes, that's right," he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...".

The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the more...