Vote Jokes / Recent Jokes

Andy Rooney On Prisoners:
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Gee, for forty-thousand bucks apiece, I`ll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don`t think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don`t want to run, they can rest in the chair that`s hooked up to the generator.
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Andy Rooney On Fabric Softeners:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it`s hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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Andy Rooney On Morning more...

Top George Bush Slogans

I`ll turn capital punishment into a new game show!

I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.

I`ll finish what Bill started -- the interns.

Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?

Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.

I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.

New penal plan: I won`t use mine!

Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.

George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers

Vote for Bush and against Common Sense.

Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars
Bush/Cheney '04: Leave No Billionaire Behind
Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-Voodoo All Over Again!
Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism
Bush/Cheney '04: Because the Truth Just Isn't Good Enough
Bush/Cheney '04: Making the World a Better Place, One Country at a Time
Bush/Cheney '04: Over a Billion Whoppers Served.
Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "Con" in Conservative
Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for Not Paying Attention.
Bush/Cheney '04: The Last Vote You'll Ever Have to Cast
Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil
Bush/Cheney '04: We're Gooder!
Bush/Cheney '04: This Time, Elect Us!
George W. Bush: The Buck Stops Over There
George W. Bush: A Brainwave Away from the Presidency
Don't think. Vote Bush!
More Trees, Less Bush
It Takes a Village Idiot
One Person, One Vote (*May Not Apply in Certain States)
Bring Back Monica Lewinsky

10 Okay, he's a hound -- But he's OUR hound!
9 Vote for Our Guy or These Dole Viagra Pictures Hit the Internet
8 If the Dome is A-Rockin', Don't Come A-Knockin'!
7 When the Going Gets Tough, We Bomb Iraq.
6 So Spank Us!
5 It's Not Our Fault All the Good Ones Get Shot
4 Our Pants May Fall, But Your 401(K) Value Won't!
3 Felonies Dismissed While You Wait
2 You're so pretty, come on over here and give us a vote, Darlin'!!
1 Laid in America

Q: Why did the Saddam trade one of his thirteen wives for
a new toilet?
A: The hole was smaller and smelled better.
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and a Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: What do you call two Iraqi women walking into a bar?
A: Incoming scuds!
Two Iraqis are chatting. One of them has his wallet out
and is flipping through pictures.
"This is my oldest. He's a martyr."
"Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
There's a pause. The second Iraqi says, wistfully, "Ah,
they blow up so fast, don't they?"
Top Least-Known Facts About Saddam Hussein
...Shares pain of economic embargo because he can only obtain
gold-plated replacement fixtures for solid gold bathtubs.
...Top scientists have finally unlocked technological secrets
of 8-track tapes and Pez dispensers, but have yet to procure
free HBO.
...Extensive private collection of Barbie dolls more...

Yuo folks!
The election fever is now at its zenith but I am still not sure whether you have decided whom to vote. Hope this brief guide will help you?.
The top ten perfectly logical reasons to vote for UNP?
1. Your grand farther had voted for UNP, your father had voted for UNP and now you want to continue the family tradition.
2. It is the lesser of the two evils. (Justification: "Bheeshanaya tikak thibuna thamai, eth api meeta vada hondata kala endala hitiyane!" Though it was a bit terror regime, we were better off then.)
3. You are an automobile tire merchant and you are certain your business will prosper under a UNP regime.
4. You are an under world Goonda and you have a feeling that your skills and talents will be exploited in a more productive manner if UNP comes to power.
5. Your wife (husband) is an ardent fan of Chandrika and you know in this darned country no self-respecting man (woman) admits sharing the same political ideology more...

TOP GEORGE BUSH SLOGANS
1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
3. I'll finish what Bill started - the interns.
4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
7. New penal plan: I won't use mine!
8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense