Vote Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Please don't vote for me just because I look like an Osmond."

1) I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
2) I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
3) I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.
4) Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
5) Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
6) I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
7) New penal plan: I won't use mine!
8) Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
9) George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
10) Vote for Bush and against Common Sense.

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!

A Princeton University computer science professor added new fuel Wednesday to claims that electronic voting machines used across much of the country are vulnerable to hacking.
The marketing director for the machine's maker - Diebold Election Systems of Allen, Texas - blasted the report, saying the professor ignored newer security measures that prevent such hacking, like candidates so shitty and issues so inane no one would take the time to vote for them in the first place.

The chairman of the Chicago Board of Election Commisioners visited a 114 year old woman who registered to vote for the upcoming election. During the press conference, the woman's 82 year old grandson said that he doubted whether she would actually vote on February 5th, since she doesn't know who any of the candiates are, but since this is Chicago, he was sure that someone would vote for her.

"You know those shows where people can call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18 percent that say' I don't know'? It costs 90 cents to call up and vote--and they're voting' I don't know.'"

"Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone." (Into phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking
proud.)

"Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about."

Comedian Andy Rooney

Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...