Visits Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face. Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news. Man: Well, give me the really bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live. Man: And the bad news? Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease. Man: That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!

Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is' U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!""That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."

When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order? A zoo-t suit!

The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly alright.
Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works properly.
The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat.
The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
A power surge on the more...

You may know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents' home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the President:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine.
I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody more...

Case Report: Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no. 1, December 1998
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M. D.
On January 2, 1998, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out. The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember. Upon examination and ascertaining more...