Virtually Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    ' WORDS OF WISDOM AT THE HALF CENTURY MARK'
    From the book,' Dave Barry Turns 50'

    1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

    2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe' Daylight Saving Time'.

    3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

    4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

    5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

    6. A penny saved is worthless.

    7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a more...

    AUDI
    Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
    Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
    All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
    All Unnecessary Devices Installed
    BMW
    Big Money Works
    Bought My Wife
    Brutal Money Waster
    BUICK
    Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
    CHEVROLET
    Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
    DODGE
    Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
    Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
    FORD
    Fix Or Repair Daily
    Found On Road, Dead
    Fast Only Rolling Downhill
    GM
    General Maintenance
    GMC
    Garage Man's Companion
    HONDA
    Had One Never Did Again
    Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
    Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto
    HYUNDAI
    Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
    MAZDA
    Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
    OLDSMOBILE
    Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
    Overpriced, Leisurely more...

    25 facts of life1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 6. A penny saved is worthless. 7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies. 8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 9. The more...

    AUDI
    Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
    Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
    All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
    All Unnecessary Devices Installed

    BMW
    Big Money Works
    Bought My Wife
    Brutal Money Waster

    BUICK
    Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

    CHEVROLET
    Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

    DODGE
    Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
    Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

    FORD
    Fix Or Repair Daily
    Found On Road, Dead
    Fast Only Rolling Downhill

    GM
    General Maintenance

    GMC
    Garage Man’s Companion

    HONDA
    Had One Never Did Again
    Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
    Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto

    HYUNDAI
    Hope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive?

    MAZDA
    Most Always Zipping Dangerously more...

    AUDI

    Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

    Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

    All Un-informed Drivers Insulted

    All Unnecessary Devices Installed

    BMW

    Big Money Works

    Bought My Wife

    Brutal Money Waster

    BUICK

    Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

    CHEVROLET

    Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

    DODGE

    Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater

    Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

    FORD

    Fix Or Repair Daily

    Found On Road, Dead

    Fast Only Rolling Downhill

    GM

    General Maintenance

    GMC

    Garage Man`s Companion

    HONDA

    Had One Never Did Again

    Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.

    Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto

    HYUNDAI

    Hope You Understand Nothing`s more...

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