Ventriloquist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Marwadi guy and a Gujarati guy went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner one night.
Finally, the waiter came over and asked,
"Who should I give the check to?"
The Marwadi guy said,
"Give it to me. I'll take care of everything."
"Fine," said the waiter.
The next day the headlines read:' Gujrarati Ventriloquist Strangled to Death'
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of dum blond jokes when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"
A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to alarge farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he'd havesome fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to thefarmer. "Sam," he shouted, "those animals are talking! If that sheepsays anything about me, it's a damned lie!"
A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar, sat a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer.
When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer.
When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, “PLAY”.
The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz.
The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse.
He set this mouse on top of the piano and said “SING”.
The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some ‘oldies but goodies’, then all of the current favorites.
A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the man and offered to buy this little outfit that the man had.
After a bit of negotiating, the man drunk more...
A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun... Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Indian: shows extreme look of shock Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at Indian. Dog: "Yep" Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Indian: shows look of disbelief Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk." Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Indian: extreme look of shock Cowboy: "Is this your owner? "pointing at Indian. Horse: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me more...
How do you know when a ventriloquist lawyer is lying?
His lips aren't moving.
While touring the Southeast, a young ventriloquist stopped to entertain the folks in a bar in Alabama. As he was going through his usual dumb redneck jokes, a big burly guy in the audience jumped up and said threateningly, "I've heard just about enough of your smartass hillbilly jokes. We ain't all stupid here in Alabama, ya know."
The trembling ventriloquist began to apologize when the big guy interrupted him, "Stay outta this mister, I'm talkin' to the smartass little guy on your knee!"