Vegetable Jokes / Recent Jokes
Teacher: Kumud Please Tell Me That 2 Potatoes, 4 Bringles, 3 Carrots Makes? Kumud: Mixed Vegetable Mam!
Chocolate, the 5th food group:Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Beans = vegetable.Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.The problem: how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.Diet tip: eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look more...
In the beginning, God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and
Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the
99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want
fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and
olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed
its own platter.
And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the
roof.
And God more...
Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen.
Admiring her neighbour's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and enquired of him his secret.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."
Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.
Two weeks passed and her neighbour stopped by to check her progress. "So", he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"
"No", she replied excitedly, "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth
II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, Commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing more...