Forth Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the
    animals to leave, he told the animals "To go forth and multiply."All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the
    ark."Why can't you go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah."We can't," answered the snakes. "We're adders."

    In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
    Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.
    Then God said, "Let there be light!" Immediately, the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a large ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, and that he would obtain a building permit and to conserve energy, He would have the light out half the time.
    God agreed, and offered to call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night". The officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.
    God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, plant yielding seed, more...

    And God populated the earth with cauliflower, spinach, broccoli and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would be able to live long and healthy lives.
    And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "Would you like fries with that?"
    And Man replied, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
    And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so attractive.
    And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
    And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese.
    And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
    And Satan more...

    A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch. Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins.His eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that fer?"""That's fer fifty years of bad sex," she said.He nodded his head, but said nothing. Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly the man stopped, and picked up his cane. He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit his wife across the shins.As soon as her eyes quit watering and she could speak she asked, "What was that fer?"That," said her husband as he began to rock again, "is fer knowin' the more...

    When Ali, the sheik's most devoted eunuch, died unexpectedly in the middle of the night, the potentate's teen-aged son asked his father how this unhappy event had come to pass.
    "My son," said the sheik, "Ali's death teaches us a valuable lesson. Last night, upon retiring, I commanded him to hasten to my harem and select for my pleasure the one most beautiful among the hundred houris waiting there. He returned with surprising swiftness with a ravishing brunette, but this tasty morsel merely whetted my appetite for further amour, so I summoned Ali again and told him to fetch forth the most sensual female of the harem. This time he returned even more quickly- though the harem is a considerable distance from my quarters, as you know -with a female whose hair was red as flame, with a passion to match.
    "This erotic creature further increased my desire and I instructed Ali to have the most innocent maiden he could find brought to my bedchamber; he reappeared more...

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