Valuable Jokes

No! Windows is not a virus.
Here's what viruses do:
They replicate quickly - ok, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - ok, Windows does that.
From time to time, viruses will trash your hard disk - ok, Windows does that too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow - see 2 - and the user will buy new hardware. Yep, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So, Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug.

Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that, too.4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.So, Windows is *not* a virus.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.
The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog."
"Sure does."
"I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Two hundred dollars. That should do it."
"Sounds good."
The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting."
"I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to shoot that mangy dog."

When Ali, the sheik's most devoted eunuch, died unexpectedly in the middle of the night, the potentate's teen-aged son asked his father how this unhappy event had come to pass.
"My son," said the sheik, "Ali's death teaches us a valuable lesson. Last night, upon retiring, I commanded him to hasten to my harem and select for my pleasure the one most beautiful among the hundred houris waiting there. He returned with surprising swiftness with a ravishing brunette, but this tasty morsel merely whetted my appetite for further amour, so I summoned Ali again and told him to fetch forth the most sensual female of the harem. This time he returned even more quickly- though the harem is a considerable distance from my quarters, as you know -with a female whose hair was red as flame, with a passion to match.
"This erotic creature further increased my desire and I instructed Ali to have the most innocent maiden he could find brought to my bedchamber; he reappeared more...