Valley Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was an awful winter at Valley Forge, and, realizing he had to do something to keep his men from freezing, General Washington decided to quarter as many as possible in the surrounding village.
Mustering the men, he set out. The first place they reached was a tailor's shop. Though the man had a family often, he said he would gladly make room for one soldier.
"All right," said the grateful general, "I ll leave you with Cox. He's the shortest man in the regiment and will inconvenience you the least."
Moving on through the bitter winds, the general came to what was obviously a brothel. Although his morality was offended by the thought of staying there, he knew the welfare of his men must come first. Thus, he rapped on the door.
When the madam arrived, General Washington doffed his hat and said, "My good woman, my troops need warm beds for the night. If there is any way you could accommodate us, it would be deeply more...

WOMBAT:
Stands for "Waste of Money, Brains and Time". Suitable for describing a person, product or project.
Code 18:
An error made by the user. Refers to the 18 inches that separate a user's face from the computer display.
Lasagna Syndrome:
Writing a piece of software with so many overlapping dialog boxes that it's nearly impossible to complete a task.
Nerd Bird:
Any weekday direct airline flight between another U.S. city and San Jose, California. These flights are typically over-populated with engineers and technical types, so a good amount of job seeking and rumor-milling occurs during each run.
Waldo:
A demo given with great showmanship for a product with little innovation or creativity.
Booth Bunny:
The attractive women staffing the booths at tradeshows that do not work for the main company represented and have no technical knowledge whatsoever.
Triority:
The three things your manager would have you do at once.
I/O more...

Less-Known Computer Languages Basic-Fortran-Cobol... Theseprogramming languages are wellknown and (more or less) wellloved throughout the computerindustry.There are numerous otherlanguages however that are lesswell known yet still have ardentdevotees. In fact these little-known languages generallyhave the most fanatic admirers.For those who wish to know moreabout these obscure languages -and why they are obscure - Ipresent the following catalog.SIMPLE... SIMPLE is an acronymfor Sheer Idiot's Mono PurposeProgramming LingusiticEnvironment.This language developed at theHanover College for TechnologicalMisfits was designed to make itimpossible to write code witherrors in it. The statements aretherefore confined to BEGIN-END-and STOP. No matter how youarrange the statements you can'tmake a syntax error.Programs written in SIMPLE donothing useful.Thus they achievethe results of programs writtenin other languages without thetedious frustrating process oftesting and debugging.SLOBOL... SLOBOL more...

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Silicon Valley Mottos:
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W I N N E R
Where quality is Job One-Point-One
Maurice Herlihy

H O N O R A B L E __M E N T I O N S

''It Compiles. Ship It''
Doug Sheppard

Artificial intelligence-when you just can't get the real thing
Nancy Ott

Sleep is for the weak
Robert Zazueta

I came, I saw, IPO
Andy Halushka

Go Public or Perish
John R. Wodziak

If at first you don't succeed, go for a second round
Rex Hill

Where the world comes to pay more for housing
Dana Spradley

Give me your contract-hired, your poor-before, your not-so-subtle badasses
Kimberly Green

Spinning sand into gold
Sue Clark

Lies, damned lies, and market caps
Alex Strasheim

Silicon Valley: commute, compute, commute
David Kenney

Come for the overtaxing work environment, stay for the more...

God said, "Go down into that valley."

And Adam said, "What's a valley?" and God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river"

And Adam said "What's a river?" and God explained it to him.

And then God said, "Go over the hill."

And Adam said, "What's a hill?" and God explained it to him.

Then God told Adam, "On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave."

And Adam said, "What's a cave?" And God explained that to him.

"In the cave you will find a woman."

And Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, and said, "I want you to reproduce."

And Adam said, "How do I do that?" So God explained it to him.

So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave, and found the more...

It's called the Swat Valley because everybody wears black and has an assault rifle...and it's a valley.

The eternal porpoises lived in a landlocked lake along the Ivory Coast of Africa. At one time the lake had been connected to the Gulf of Guinea; now the only way they could feed on the baby sea gulls that enabled them to live forever was if the natives of the Ngubi tribe captured them in the gulf and brought them to the lake.
The natives performed this sacred duty for centuries but lately lions had taken to hunting the valley that led from the Ngubi lands to the shore. Thus it became necessary for the natives to spend a great deal of time distilling and manufacturing a sleeping potion which, with tremendous care, the bravest of the Ngubi warriors dispensed via poison dart before making their way through the valley.
Unfortunately, this process put an enormous drain on the treasury of the tribe. Not only was the poison costly to make, but the time the warriors spent putting the lions to sleep should have been used for hunting. Thus, the chief was forced to put a new law on the more...