Vagina Jokes / Recent Jokes
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...
TOP TEN things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina...
Finally find that damned G-spot.
Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too....
And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina...
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
TOP TEN things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.8. See if they could finally do the splits.7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.1. And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina...Finally find that damned G-spot.
Match the Google search from the top list with the correct number of search results from the bottom list.
1) "Tom Cruise is Gay"
2) "Tina Yothers"
3) "Mr. Roper"
4) "Mr. Roper" & "Puff Daddy"
5) "Smelly Vagina"
6) "Smelly Vagina" & "Mrs. Roper"
7) "Richard Gere" & Gerbil
a) 83,900
b) 0
c) 16,800
d) 11,400
e) 12
f) 59,500
g) 1,050,000
h) 32,400
i) 741
*Search results as of August 15, 2006, 6:40 EDT
Answers: 1)c 2)a 3)f 4)e 5)d 6)b 7)h
A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel.' Oh God!' she screams.' Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!'' Let's go says her mate, I'll rush you straight to hospital!' On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.'What seems to be the problem?' he asks.' I've got a frigging bee up my vagina' screams the woman.' Get it out!'' I see,' says the doctor.'Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.' The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick.' Just an inch or two should do it,' he says. After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says' Hmmm, more...