Vader Jokes / Recent Jokes
If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd then become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then become Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Tuesday Weld married Hal March III, she'd be Tuesday March 3.
Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker had for Christmas?
A. He felt his presence!
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
* The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not more...
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... light sabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach,
"How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Star Wars Character: Darth Vader Vader can be cruel and torment people who disagree with him but deep down there is a peace-loving, friendly side to him. He has a knack for inflicting pain on people and he uses his intellect during battle.
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Star Wars Character: Lando Lando is the typical character with his head in the clouds. He is self-sacrificing but may be too passive to stand up to Vader. He became fairly pessimistic when put under pressure. He also poses as a chameleon wanting to change his scenery on occasion.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19) Star Wars Character: The Emperor The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression and quick-tempered attitude also helps him with this.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) Star Wars Character: Chewbacca more...
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself. 14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely. 13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber. 12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke." 11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut. 10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve. 9 C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass. 8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees. 7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee. 6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe... hehe... she said,' Lay ya.'"5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name. 4 During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special more...