Vader Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"
15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber.
12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke."
11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut.
10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.
9 C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass.
8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.
7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.
6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya.'"
5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.
4 During one lonely more...
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber.12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke."11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut.10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.9 C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass.8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya.'"5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.4 During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special attachment.3 more...
In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke:
"Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously:
"How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
Darth Vader.... "Because I've felt your presents...."
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
What did Darth Vader say to the Internet? May the force e-with you.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* No word in the English language rhymes with month.
* There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
* Cat's urine glows under a black light.
* Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
* In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
* Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
* Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected more...
TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE STAR WARS CHARACTERS WOULD KICK BUTT IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE
10) In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "STUN."
9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp. The Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.
7) One word: Lightsabers.
6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.
4) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
2) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "SlaveI."
1) Picard pilots the more...