Used Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chevrolet Nova didn't do well in Spanish speaking countries... Nova means 'No Go'...
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name 'Pavian' to suggest French chic... but 'Pavian' means 'baboon' in German.
A peanut-packed chocolate bar targeted at Japanese teenagers needing energy while cramming for exams ran headlong into a belief that eating peanuts and chocolate causes nosebleeds.
Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"... which also means "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the USA - the cute baby on the label. Later, when investigating lower than expected sales figures, they found out that it is common practice in Africa to put pictures of the contents on food package labels.
Coors slogan, "Turn it Loose," translated into Spanish as "Suffer From more...

1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage
3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad Dog 20-20.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
7. You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
8. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
9. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
11. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
12. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside... it'll be a hoot."
13. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
14. You more...

Dave Barry says:
In the early days, different brands of computers used different operating systems, which meant that people switching from one computer to another would have to learn a completely new set of instructions. This was obviously inefficient, so in the early 1980s, most major computer
manufacturers agreed to stop forcing people to learn a bunch of different operating systems, and instead adopt a single, uniform, standardized operating system so absurdly non-intuitive that nobody could learn it. This system was called MS-DOS.
The MS, of course, stood for Microsoft, the company that was started by the brilliant software genius Bill Gates. Gates is a very rich man today - Forbes Magazine estimates that he is worth more than the entire O. J. Simpson defence team combined - and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
To understand what I mean by versions, let's consider an analogy involving cars. Suppose you've purchased a new car, and you more...

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.
Turning to the other two engineers, he said, `At Wipro, we are trained to be extremely thorough.`
The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turned and said, `At TCS, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient.`
The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, `At INFY we don`t pee on our hands.`

If architects had to work like programmers. . .

Dear Mr. Architect,

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of more...

1. You've ever cut your grass and found a car. 2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 3. You think the stock market has a fence around it. 4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. 5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. 6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 7. You own a homemade fur coat. 8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. 9. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so Ican take a bath." 11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." 12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call fromthe Governor to spare a loved one. 16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hallbecause of her language. 17. Someone more...

The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?"
Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with more...