Use Jokes / Recent Jokes
You Might Be Addicted to AOL if........ Tech Support calls "You" for help...... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL..... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other...... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"..... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's..... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"..... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it..... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences..... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing..... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"..... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep...... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's...... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they more...
What sexual position do you use to have an ugly baby? Ask your parents.
The teacher turns to the class and says, "Today, we will use these three words in a sentence. Defense, detail, and defeat. Tom, why don't you go first?" Tom, a white kid, goes first. Tom says, "Ahh, the football team's defense was detailed in the paper which caused the defeat of the other team." (The narrator's tone is slang-American when saying this sentence.) The teacher turns to Chang, a Chinese boy, and says, "How about you Chang?" Chang says, (narrator uses a Chinese accent), "the Defense Department gave details of the defeat of the guerrillas." "That's very good Chang, now what about you, Bong-Bong?" says the teacher. "Use defense, detail, and defeat in a sentence." Bong-Bong, the Filipino boy, doesn't want to do it. (Accent of narrator becomes heavily influenced by Ilocano or Tagalog accent). "Ma'am, ay don't know how to use it," says Bong-Bong. "Come on, just try," says the teacher. "Okay, more...
MEMO TO ALL EMS PERSONNEL
To: All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.
Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots". Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal more...
In English class, the teacher gave the class homework, using the words Chicken, Nut and Bread in a sentence. The next day, the teacher ask if anyone would like to read aloud their sentence. Pablo raised his hand and said "I will". He stood up proudly and read out loud his sentence. "My fader told me, not to put the plastic bag ober your sisters head, because Chicken canNut Bread". Another variation:
(Submitted via email by Roxychikxx) There were three students: one Japanese, Haole, and Filipino. The teacher asked the students to use the words, "chicken, nut, and bread" in a sentence. The Japanese girl went first. "Last night for dinner my mother cooked us chicken and yummy banana nut bread". "That's good", the teacher replied. Next went the haole boy, "I live on a farm and we raise chickens, and grow nuts to put them into our bread". After that, the teacher asked the Filipino boy to use the words in a sentence. The more...
Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't havechange for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base'scorridor floors, and asked him,"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Private Duncan replied, "Sure." The Corporal turned red. He said, "That's no way to address asuperior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you havechange for a dollar?" Private Duncan replied, "No, SIR!"
Why do teachers use a bamboo cane? Because when the cane goes bam the child goes boo!