Use Jokes / Recent Jokes

you have a 'barrel man' in your house, you may be filipino...(you know.. the wooden man... when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!) you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino. you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino. you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino. you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be Filipino. you smoke in your house you put up your knee while eating you eat kanin and ulam using your hand you are pakialamero you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador you are chismosa you say Comfort Room instead of Restroom. you say For Take Out instead of to go. you point w/ your lips, then you might be a Filipino. you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino. you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino. your nickname is 'boy', you might be a Filipino. you ask for a Colgate instead of toothpaste, you might be a Filipino. you say 'Canteen' instead of cafeteria, then you more...

This is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
Here's how it works:
This device is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, the devices with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information more...

* The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

* Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

* The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

* Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

* British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

* Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

* When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
2.Proper beer
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can more...

Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla,' How do you spell' dumb'?" Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb." "Now spell' stupid'." Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid." Then the teacher call on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate." Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

You might be from the Northwest if you:
Feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

Use the expression "sun break" and know what it means.

Know more than 10 ways to order coffee (and know different parts of town by the espresso joints).

Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.

Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.

Complain about Californians, as you sell one your house for twice its value.

Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, and Veneto's.

Know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette.

Consider swimming an indoor more...