Unhappy Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a study done recently to show that unhappy kids are good at math. Of course they are, there is a lot of calculations to be done like, how many bullets do I need, how many years will I get, when will I be released on parole, chances I'll get tried as a juvenile.
Don't think of them as unhappy think of them as Evil Geniuses.

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying anew one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of thevestibule. When hegot there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pewwhere he had to sitand listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." Afterchurch, the man metthe preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, andtold him "I want tothank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steala hat and afterhearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."Preacher: "You mean the commandment I shall not steal changed yourmind?"Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

Microsoft has just released it's update to TimeTraveller 1.0 (TM), the popular computer application that turns Pentium-based PCs into time machines.
The first version of TimeTraveller, Microsoft now concedes, was not without problems. Unhappy users from around the world flooded the support line with calls. "My son was trying to go back a week earlier to do his history final a second time," one unhappy father from Johannesburg reportedly complained, "and he ended smack dab in the middle of the Boer War. What key do I push do get him back?" A caller from Bristol grumbled that his wife had got stuck a few hours in the past. "Me an' the missus can't agree on tea-time anymore," he grumbled, "an' she throws out the Guardian before it even arrives. "
TimeTraveller 1.02 addresses the glitches that plagued the first release. The legions of women who lost technogeek partners to distant eras have been promised complementary copies of Widows more...

Life & Style magazine reports that, according to a source close to the family, Katie Holmes' parents are extremely unhappy that their daughter is not marrying in a "proper" Catholic ceremony, and may not attend.

Of course if it were a proper Catholic ceremony, God would no doubt be extremely unhappy, as Katie is a fornicating whore who had a baby out of wedlock, and Tom is a suspected sodomite.

The unhappy woman
One day, whilst Hette Levine was out shopping in Brent Cross, she noticed an old lady sitting on a bench sobbing her eyes out. Hette stopped and asked her what was wrong.
The old lady said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
Hette said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
The old lady continued, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite cake and then makes love to me for half the afternoon".
Hette asked again, "Well, why are you crying?"
The old lady continued, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then makes love to me until 2 o’clock in the morning.
Hette asked yet again, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
The old lady replied, "I can`t remember where I live!"

CHARACTERS: BOY1, BOY2, GIRL1, GIRL2, PARENTS
BOY 1 loves GIRL 1.
BOY 2 loves GIRL 2.

PARENTS MAKE THE DECISION.

BOY 1 MARRIES GIRL 2.
BOY 2 MARRIES GIRL 1.
BOY 1? GIRL 2? UNHAPPY
BOY 2? GIRL 1? UNHAPPY
BOY 1 still loves GIRL 1
BOY 2 still loves GIRL 2

PARENTS COME TO KNOW AGAIN. DECISION MADE.
BOY 1 MARRIES GIRL 1.
BOY 2 MARRIES GIRL 2.
HAPPY ENDING!!!
NAME OF THE STORY: KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA.
BOY 1: SHAHRUKH KHAN
BOY 2: ABHISHEK BACCHAN
GIRL 1: PRIETY ZINTA
GIRL 2: RANI MUKHERJEE
Rs 150/ saved also 3 hours

Why was the pig unhappy in the Minors? Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.