Undressing Jokes

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
- Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
- Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his more...

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she`s reading." Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid
problem?" Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment
turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word more...

Ah, yes divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. - Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!" - Dave Barry
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. - Jay Leno
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts? - Jay Leno
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we more...