Asking Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mr.Watt rang the phone at the residence of Mr.Knott.
    "Who's calling?" asked Knott.
    "What is your name, please?"
    "Watt's my name."
    "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
    "That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
    A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
    "No, this is Knott."
    "Please tell me your name."
    "Will Knott."
    "Why not?"
    "Huh? What do you mean why not?"
    "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
    "But I told you my name!"
    "Didn't you say you will not?"
    "Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
    "That's what I mean."
    "So you know my name."
    "Of course not!"
    "Good. So now, what is more...

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
    "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
    The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

    "Your name?"
    >> "Dinesh."
    >> "How do you spell it?"
    >> "D-I-N...."
    >> "Slow, slow, T?"
    >> "No, D.
    >> "Is that T as in Tom, or D as in Dennis?"
    >> "No, not Dennis, my name is Dinesh."
    >> "I know that. I am asking you, is that a T as in Tom, or D as in. ..
    >> as in Detroit?"
    >> "I don't know who Tom is, and I haven't been to Detroit. I just came
    >> to the US from Madras."
    >> "OK, OK, I know that. Is that T-I- or D-I-? "
    >> "D. D-I-. D-I-N-E-S-H."
    >> "Is that your last name or first name?"
    >> "Uh? Dinesh is my name."
    >> "OK. What is your LAst name?"
    >> "That is my first and last name. Dinesh."
    >> "Then, is your name Dinesh Dinesh?"
    >> "No. My name is Dinesh."
    >> "But what is your LAST NAME? I am ASKING YOU ABOUT more...

    Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
    Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttle craft
    Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
    Spotlighting unsuspecting crew members with the glare from his forehead
    Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other life-forms
    Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz is there
    Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL Picard Maneuver"
    Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
    Telling crew members in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it so"
    Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up

    Who's On First(Sketch by Bud Abbot and Lou Costello)LOU: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those fellows? BUD: All right. But you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third -LOU: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.BUD: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third -LOU: You know the fellows' names? BUD: Yes.LOU: Well, then who's playin' first.BUD: YesLOU: I mean the fellow's name on first base.BUD: Who.LOU: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis.BUD: Who.LOU: The guy on first base.BUD: Who is on first.LOU: Well, what are you askin' me for? BUD: I'm not asking you - I'm telling you. WHO IS more...

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