Twinkle Jokes / Recent Jokes
(Row Row Row Your Boat)
Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough and pass it to a friend.
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
he stuck his thumb up his ass
and found his uncles underpants
and said "What a good boy am I"
Mary Mary quite contrary
shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
With wizz and e's and ganja trees and coke as white as snow
Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
Mary was a kiky slut and gave them H.I.V
Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
He said, "Excuse me ladies,
just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants
and give me some booty."
Hickory Dickory more...
Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about.
1) Can you cry under water?
2) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3) What disease did cured ham actually have?
4) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
5) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
6) Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
7) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
8) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
9) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a stupid song about him?
10) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
11) Why do people point to their wrist when more...
One day a Scottish guy and his girlfreind were walking when the Scottish guy says, "You want to hold my hand, don't you?"
The girlfriend replies, "How can you possibly know that?", and the guy goes, "The twinkle in your eye."
So, they hold hands for a bit, but a little while later the guy goes, "You want to kiss me, don't you?" and she goes, "How can you possibly know that?", to which he replies, "The twinkle in your eye." Sure enough, he is given a kiss by the lass.
Finally, the date is over, and the girl says you want to make love to me, don't you?"
He says, "How can you possibly know that? Is it the twinkle in my eye?"
She says, "No, it's the tilt in your kilt."
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause! Twinkle Twinkle chocolate barSanta drives a rusty carPress the starterPress the chokeOff he goes in a cloud of smoke! Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ? Santa Jaws! Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe! Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ? Because they both have "Sandy claws"! What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly? What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ? Santa pause !
Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder what you are
Shine upon a parking lot
As I eat my girlfriends twat.
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater
Saw a chick but couldn't meet her
Saw her brother one fine day
Sucked his cock and now he's GAY.
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So he ignored her flabby tits
An licked her asshole clean.
Eenie Meanie Miney Mo
Suck my dick and swallow slow.
Mary Mary quite contrary
Shave that pussy its so damn hairy.
Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two I blew my goo
And dumped the bitch off at the next block.
Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
It was quite scary
all wrinkled and hairy.