Twice Jokes / Recent Jokes
Microsoft vs. GMAt a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" And... 1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats. 5. Macintosh would make a more...
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25. 00 cars that got 1, 000 miles to the gallon. "In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the fo llowing characteristics (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........
(Twice a day.)
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows more...
here's one for all those who feel tired after a stressful working day...
An executive goes to see his doctor, complaining of feeling worn out all the time due to his long working hours. The doctor asks him a few questions about his lifestyle.
Doc: "So, do you and your wife have an active sex-life?"
Exec: "Yes, doc, twice a day, once in the morning before I go to work and again last thing at night."
Doc: "Hmm, and any other love interests?"
Exec: "Actually, my secretary, twice a day, once at eleven o'clock when she brings my mid-morning coffee and again at four o'clock when she brings my afternoon tea."
Doc: "Hhhhmmmmm, and so you make love a total of four times a day?!"
Exec: "Actually, I also see my mistress twice a day, at lunch-time and we make love, and I pop round to see her on my way home from work and we make love then, too."
Doc: "My God, man, no wonder you're always feeling more...
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have tobuy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, andyou would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time more...
Sadie had been widowed for a few years and very lonely, and finally consented to going out on a date with Smith, the gentleman her daughter fixed her up with.
Smith picked up her and they went on a picnic in a very secluded spot. Smith also had been widowed for a long time and found himself very attracted to Sadie, and despite her resistance at first to his advances, he finally was able to make love to her.
Sadie was mortified at her lack of self control and sobbed, "I don't know how I can face my daughter, knowing in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!"
Smith said "What do you mean "twice" we only did it once?"
Sadie looked at Smith and said, "...Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?"
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What`s that building there?" "That`s the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie.
"12 years? We build `em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months."
A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What`s that building over there?" asked the Texan. "That`s the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre" replied the cabbie. "Convention Centre? How long`d it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build `em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, more...