Tuesday Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
    The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets of at the next stop.
    When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie, "if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
    The hippie of course says that he'd love to know so the bus driver tells him that the every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," said the bus driver(male), "you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
    Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun and right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. more...

    A psychiatrist in a mental hospital decided to test three patients to determine if they were well enough to be released.
    He asked the first one: "What is 3 times 3?"
    The patient answered: "111."
    He asked the same question of the second patient and was told that the answer was "Tuesday."
    He told both that they weren't healed and had to stay.
    He asked the third one: "What is 3 times 3?"
    The reply: "9."
    "Great!!! You're cured! You can go home, but tell me how you knew the answer?"
    The patient replied: "Simple. I divided 111 by Tuesday!"

    There were two senior adult ladies that had played cards every Tuesday afternoon for 25 years. One Tuesday, one of the women says to the other, "I hate to admit this, but I forgot your name years ago and I just can't remember it. What is your name?"
    The other old lady looks down at her cards, then looks up and asks, "How soon do you need to know?"

    This company hires a new bloke and he's supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up he calls his boss and says, "I'm sick." His boss tells him not to worry and lets him have the day off. The bloke then shows up at work on Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.
    The next Monday he once again calls his boss and says, "I'm sick." The boss reluctantly excuses him again, but takes note that this is the second Monday in a row that he hasn't been in. Once again the man shows up on Tuesday morning and works furiously throughout the week.
    The following Monday he calls his boss again and says, "I'm sick." His boss excuses him, but decides to castigate the man on Tuesday. Tuesday comes and as soon as the bloke shows up, his boss calls him into his office. What's happening?" asks the boss. "I can see you're a hard worker, but you've only been here three weeks and more...

    Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It`s your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What`s three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That`s great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Jeez, Doc, it`s pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

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