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For a gift this year a guy's wife purchased him a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when he was on the varsity chess team in high school, he decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. He called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. His wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic he was to get started. Here is his story of how the week went.
DAY 1.
They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her added about ten more...
Blokes and golfers need to read this! It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she more...
And it came to pass that an openly Jewish man was elected to be President of the United States of America.
So he calls his mother in Queens and invites her to come down to Washington DC to share the Passover Holliday.
She says,' I'd like to, but it's so much trouble... I mean, I have to get a cab to the airport, and I hate waiting on Queens Blvd...'
He replies,' Mom! I'm the President! You won't need a cab; I'll send a limo for you!'
To which his mother replies,' I know, but then I'll have to get my ticket at the airport, and try to get a seat on the plane, and I hate to sit in the middle... it's just too much trouble.'
He replies,' Mom! I'm the President of the United States! I'll send Air Force One or another of my private jets for you.
To which she replies,' Oh, well, but then when we land, I'll have to carry my luggage through the airport, and try to get a cab... it's really too much trouble.'
He more...
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Pakistani Innings.
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Where do Pakistani batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.
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When would Rana-Naveed have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling.
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What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Pakistani batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
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How to increase the chances of Pakistani batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two overs to begin with, then try three and so on.
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What is the Pakistani version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls
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What is the height of optimism?
Inzi coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
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Phone Call for Inzi:
Pakistan Team Manager: "Hello"(over Phone)
Wife: "Can I talk to Inzi, this is his wife."
Pakistan Team Manager:"Sorry, he is just going to bat"
Wife:"No Problem Manager, more...
** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.
** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.
** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.
** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.
** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.
** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...