Tourist Jokes / Recent Jokes

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?"
"I have to throw this away," replied the tourist.
"You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered.
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want."
The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.
"Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist.
"No. This is the American Embassy."

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?""I have to throw this away," replied the tourist."You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered.The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want."The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers."Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist."No. This is the American Embassy."

The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night.' Well, we're a mite crowded, siknce there's already someone in the spare room,' replied the farmer.' But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher.'

'Look,' said the tourist,' I want you to know I'm a gentleman.'

'Well,' mused the farmer,' as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher.'

An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:"How large is the population here?""Around 1.5 billion" - the guide answersAmerican, After a short pause: "So, what else do you do here?"

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "They ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin,"' the beachcomber said. "Wow," said the tourist. The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."

Tourist: Whose Skeleton Is That?
Santa: Tipu's Skeleton.
Tourist: Whose Is That Smaller Skeleton Next To It?
Santa: That Was Tipu's Skeleton When He Was Child

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."