Total Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. "Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come." "Great," says Sam, "after 6 months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinking." "Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." more...

    1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
    2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of
    3.5 children per household, that's
    91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
    3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to
    822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the more...

    Gilchrist and Sangakkara
    The ICC 2007 World Cup final between Sri Lanka and Australia is now history and another traingular series of matches coming ahead.
    There has been loads of articles published, wide range of views expressed and many postmortems by various individuals, including past and present cricketers held.
    I have been carefully reading all the stuff, including our own' on-the-spot' reports filed by veteran cricket writer Dr. Elmo Rodrigopulle, the only Sri Lankan English journalist to cover the entire tournament.
    Whilst thinking of all those action paced episodes from the Caribbean for nearly two months, I had a dream.
    Yes! That was a dream final.
    Sri Lanka captain Mahela Jayawardena won the toss and elected to bat first in a final curtailed to 38 overs per side due to morning rain. Sri Lanka made a commanding total of 281 for 4 in their allocated 38 overs. The architect of the massive Lankan total was none other than wicket keeper batsman more...

    As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
    No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
    There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't
    (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the
    workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an
    average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One
    presumes there's at least one good child in each.
    Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the
    rotation of the earth, assuming more...

    1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of3. 5 children per household, that's91. 8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. 3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to822. 6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down more...

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