Tick Jokes / Recent Jokes

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days." Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a poisonous snake? A: You can make a pet out of the snake. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick? A: A tick drops off you when you die. Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth. The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it? A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside. The reason law schools have been described as "a place for the accumulation of more...

Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die!
What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog!
What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming human.
Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do? Shoot the lawyer, twice !!
What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy politician? Chelsea Clinton.
It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
What's the difference between a female lawyer more...

Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service! What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die ! What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog! What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming human.Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do? Shoot the lawyer, twice !! What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy politician? Chelsea Clinton.It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets ! What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull terrier? Lipstick ! What more...

Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service! What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die! What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog! What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3, 000, 000 has a chance of becoming human. Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do? Shoot the lawyer, twice! ! What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy politician? Chelsea Clinton. It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets! What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull terrier? Lipstick! more...

Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die!

What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog!

What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3, 000, 000 has a chance of becoming human.

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do? Shoot the lawyer, twice! !

What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy politician? Chelsea Clinton.

It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own more...

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?" Dam!"What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phonesWhat do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stickWhat do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheeseWhat do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milkWhat do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? FrostbiteWhat has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What is a polygon? A dead parrot. How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away its credit cards. What's the difference between boogers and spinach? You can't get kids to eat spinach. What did the horse say when he fell? Ive fallen and I can't giddy up! What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A private tutor. more...