Tent Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this Sheik in the desert who was a very cruel man, but had a sporting nature. Once when he had condemned a prisoner to die, he changed his mind and gave the man a chance to go free.
He explained to the prisoner that he must conquer three challenges to be given his freedom.
He said they are contained in these three tents you see before you. You must drink all the Arabian wine you find in the first tent. In the second tent you must remove an absessed tooth from a saber tooth tiger with your bare hands.
If you survive that, you must then satisfy the romantic wishes of a beautiful princess in the third tent. Should you complete these tasks, you shall go free with my blessing and the princess as your bride.
The prisoner was eager to start and entered the first tent and soon singing and breaking bottles and jars were heard.
After some time, the prisoner stumbled from the first tent into the second and the singing became yelling and snarling. The tent was more...

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over more...

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:
THE TENT POLE IS UP,
THE CANVAS IS SPREAD.
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST,
COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy.
It read:
TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN,
PUT THE CANVAS AWAY.
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE,
NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down. It read:
THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP,
AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD.
SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
ND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.
To which she replied:
I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S
THE BEST IN THE LAND.
BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW,
SO DO IT BY HAND!!

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD.THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED.The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy.It read:TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN, PUT THE CANVAS AWAY.THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE, NO CIRCUS TODAY.So he sent another note down. It read:THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP, AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD.SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, ND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.To which she replied:I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'STHE BEST IN THE LAND.BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW, SO DO IT BY HAND!!

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks.
"Practically... Someone has stolen our tent".

An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says …
And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent? ” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear? ”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS). ”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums, as long as he could have more...

Thou shalt not park thy helicopter in the open, for it bringeth the rain of steel.
Thou shalt not expose thy shiny mess gear, for it bringeth unwanted guests to chow.
Thou shalt not wear white T-shirts, or thine enemies will dye them red.
Thou shalt provide overhead concealment, for thine enemies' eyes are upon thee.
Thou shalt cover thy tall antenna, for fly swatters groweth not in yon wood.
Thou shalt use a red lens on thy flashlight, or it shall appear as a star in the East.
Thou shalt cover the glass on thy vehicle, for the glare telleth thine enemy thy location.
Thou shalt blend with thy surroundings, for trees groweth not in yon desert.
Thou shalt cover the tracks of thy vehicle, for they draweth pretty pictures.
Thou shalt cover thy face, hands, and helmet, for thine enemies maketh war not on bushes.
Thou shalt not drape thy net on thy tent, for it looketh like tent draped in net.
Thou shalt hide the wires of thy commo, for they more...