Technician Jokes / Recent Jokes

Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the many calls asking where the “Any” key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn’t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies more...

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the
lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly
and mentioned that his mood improved every day because
he was due to leave the service in two months.
As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that
taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air
Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician
smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I
thought."

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.Another Compaq technician recieved a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn''t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the disk.A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up more...

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her efective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold more...

It was decided by Microsoft during a brilliant brainstorming session that military service would improve the skills and discipline of their finest technician. So off to boot camp he went.

At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets.

He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again.

"Hmmm.," he thought, "I'll get to the bottom of this in no time."

He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He pointed his still loaded rifle at the ground in front of him and fired. A cloud of dust kicked up, and a little dimple was left there in the dust.

"Yep, it's working," he concluded.

The technician yelled out to the others at the target end, "The rifle is in working order, and the bullet seems to be more...

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."

Experiencing problems with his computer, an incognizant user called technical support for assistance...
Technician: Good morning. How may I help you?
Customer: There's smoke coming from my computer's power supply.
Technician: Sounds like you need a new power supply.
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. It needs to be replaced.
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just have to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command.
For the next several minutes, despite the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded...
Technician: I'm sorry. Normally we don't tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer: Aha! I knew it!
Technician: Add the more...