Surprise Jokes / Recent Jokes

Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, AOL Disks, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a more...

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the
"Chicken Surprise"...
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron
pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises
slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around
before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and
again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it
slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening,
and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order" ??
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise""Ah...so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"

Once there was a man who loved baked beans. He would eat up to 5 and sometimes 6 plates at a time, but that always be followed with smelly, loud, stinky gas.
One day he met a beautiful lady and decided to talk to her. They started seeing each other.
Since he did not want her to smell his nasty gas after eating beans, he made the sacrifice, and stopped eating them. One year later they were married.
On his birthday, the next year, he was coming home from work, when suddenly his car broke down.
He called his wife to tell her what had happened, and also to let her know that he would be home a little late. She said she understood, but to hurry, because she had a surprise for him.
On his way he saw a diner and smelled baked beans cooking inside. Since he had to walk 6 miles to get home, he figured that by the time he got there all the smelly gas would be gone.
He went in and ate 7 bowls of baked beans. On his way back home, he was farting nasty and more...

A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams.
He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again...Just can't wait to get on the road again..."
The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.
"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.
"On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..."
"So what?" - the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.
"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" more...

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!" Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. "You should have said,' The bull is surprising the cow'- not some filth you picked up in the City," he says. A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. "Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!" The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, "Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot' surprise' more than one cow at a time you know." "Yes he can!" replies his obstinate nephew, "He's fucking the horse!"

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to get it up anymore. He goes to his doctor, his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor. The witch doctor tells him, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.... The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say' 1 2 3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens after when its over?". The witch doctor says "all you have to say is' 1 2 3 4' and it will go down". "But be warned it will not work again for 3 months!" This guy more...