Surprise Jokes / Recent Jokes

Take your time with this test and you will be amazed.

The Dalai Lama suggests you read it to see if it works for you. Very Interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you.

Be honest and do not cheat by looking up the answers.

The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.

MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!

A warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only 4 questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results.

Go down slowly, and complete each exercise as you scroll down. Don`t look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end.

This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item. The first thing that comes to mind is usually your best more...

The FUCK word! Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the Englishlanguage is the word "Fuck." It is the one magical word, which, just by it's sound describes pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "Fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (Mary doesn't really give a fuck); or an adverb (Mary is really fucking interested in John); and as a noun, (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you see, there are veryfew words with the versatility of "Fuck." Besides It's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used todescribe many situations: It can be used in an anatomical description - "He's a fucking asshole." It can be used to tell time - "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business - "How did I end up with this more...

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. more...

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his
proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and
a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring
himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the
ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they
picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I`ve
got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at
last alone in their hotel room. "Now don`t forget, Harry, you
promised me a big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his
wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the
stump.
"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the
Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!"

The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them.Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
April 18, 1994 Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567 Dear John: You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised.
Most students would be. But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective
universities in America. The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention! Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, more...

TRUE STORY
My boyfriend decided to invite me over to his home one day.
When I arrived, I was hoping we would be alone. When I got in, it was dark, except for the room we were in and I couldn't hear any noise, so I guessed we were.
We started to make out until he grabbed my hand and brought me upstairs, covering my eyes and saying; "I have a surprise for you, why don't you make yourself a little more comfortable."
Of course, I took that as a hint that he wanted sex, and he left saying he'd be back in five minutes.
So I took off my clothes, sitting on his bed. Five minutes later, he called me to come out into the room next door to his room. I walked out proudly and walked into another room naked... and saw three shocked faces looking upon my body. He didnt tell me the surprise was he wanted me to meet his parents!

An older man, Mr.Brown, in his hospital room knew that he was nearing his death, so he called in the three people that he trusted the most - his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. They were all waiting sadly outside of his room, when he called in his doctor. The doctor walked in slowly expecting to have to reassure the diagnosis. To his surprise, his patient handed him $30,000 in cash. Mr. Brown simply said, "When I die, put this in my coffin."
The doctor walked walked out confused and told the pastor that Mr. Brown was ready for him. Now the pastor walked in expecting for Mr. Brown to confess every sin he ever committed in hopes of ending it right. To his surprise, the old man handed him another $30,000; Mr. Brown simply repeated himself.
His pastor walked out searching the possibilities and told the lawyer that his client was ready for him. The lawyer walked in expecting that his client would want to review his will. To his surprise, Mr. Brown handed him another more...