Stool Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, "can I help you"?
The duck said, "quack quack quack got any raisons?"
The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar and we dont sell raisons."
The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!
The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him?
The duck said, "quack quack quack got any raisons?"
The bartender said, "NO this is a BAR we dont sell raisons!"
So the duck walked out again and left. He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again!
The duck yelled at the bartender, "quack quack quack got any raisons?"
The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there."
The duck said, "ok", and left.
The next day came and sure enuf the duck came more...

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat. The giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself, and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink, and, after a while, they order the same again.
They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them, and ordering another load, untill suddenly, the giraffe falls off his stool, and lies unconscious on the floor. The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door.
The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door "You can't leave that lyin' 'ere!"
The man replies, "Its not a lion, its a giraffe!"

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend." As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long"! The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket." He also said he wants to screw me all night long"!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table." He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night"!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer. His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table. The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer"!

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something." Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool, pees on the floor and leaves. Another pig comes in, drinks his beer, pees on the floor and leaves. A third and forth piggy come in and do the same exact thing. Finally, a fifth piggy comes in to the bar and orders a beer. After finishing his beer, he gets off the bar stool and begins to walk out the door. Before reaching the door, the bartender yells - "Hey Pig... aren't you going to pee on the floor like the others?" To which the pig replies - "No you idiot! Everyone knows that the last little piggy goes WEE WEE WEE - all the way home!"

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another.
Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?"
The voice replied, "No... this is the Ice-Rink Manager...."

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.
Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"
The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.
The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO you idiot!...this is the Ice-Rink Manager."