Stool Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back more...
William Joy (37), of Cookstown, Co. Tyrone, is paralysed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair as a result of a fall from a bar stool in 1989. The High Court in Belfast heard during the week that Mr. Joy is suing Michael Newell, the man who owned the bar in which the accident occurred, for damages. He claims that Mr. Newell was negligent for allowing him to sit on a 3 foot high stool while drunk.
There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, "can I help you"?
The duck said, "quack quack quack got any raisons?"
The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar and we dont sell raisons."
The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!
The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him?
The duck said, "quack quack quack got any raisons?"
The bartender said, "NO this is a BAR we dont sell raisons!"
So the duck walked out again and left. He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again!
The duck yelled at the bartender, "quack quack quack got any raisons?"
The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there."
The duck said, "ok", and left.
The next day came and sure enuf more...
A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.
He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender' man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!' and orders a mug of beer.
He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender,' man, I heard that things are big down here in Texasm but this is ridiculas!' and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk.
Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender,' Where is your washroom???' The bartender says, down the hall, second door on the right.'
So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.
The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams' DON'T FLUSH IT!!!
A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool, pees on the floor and leaves.
Another pig comes in, drinks his beer, pees on the floor and leaves.
A third and forth piggy come in and do the same exact thing.
Finally, a fifth piggy comes in to the bar and orders a beer. After finishing his beer, he gets off the bar stool and begins to walk out the door.
Before reaching the door, the bartender yells - "Hey Pig... aren't you going to pee on the floor like the others?"
To which the pig replies - "No you idiot! Everyone knows that the last little piggy goes WEE WEE WEE - all the way home!"
There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, “Can I help you? ” The duck said, “quack, quack, quack,,, got any raisins? ” The bartender said, “NO! This is a bar and we don’t sell raisins. ” The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool! The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him? The duck said, “quack, quack, quack,,, got any raisins? ”
The bartender said, “NO this is a BAR we don’t sell raisins! ” So the duck walked out again and left. He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again! The duck yelled at the bartender, “quack, quack, quack, and got any raisins? ” The bartender said, “NO. And if you come back here once more I am going to nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are going to die there.