Stolen Jokes / Recent Jokes

George rushed into the confessional with a turkey under his arm. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he said. "I stole this turkey to feed my family. Please, would you take it and relieve my guilt."
"Certainly not," the Priest said. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"But I tried and he refused," sobbed George. "Father, what should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family," the Priest said.
"Thank you, Father," George replied, as he rushed off.
When the Priest returned to his residence, he entered the kitchen and found that someone had stolen his Thanksgiving turkey.

Teacher: As You All Have Read The Properties Of Gold So, John Tell Me, What Will Happen If Gold Is Kept In Open Air? John: Ma'm It Will Get Stolen.

Once An American, French And Indian Were Going In A Plane. The American Said Lets Play A Game. Put Your Hand Outside And Tell When Your Country Has Come. American- America Has Come. My Hand Touched The Statue Of Liberty
French- France Has Come. My Hand Touched The Eiffel Tower.
Indian- India Has Come. My Watch Was Stolen When I Put It Outside

Did you hear that all the toilets at the police station were stolen? Yeah...the cops got nothing to go on.

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car." They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. The police were dumbfounded and dispatched an officer to the scene. However, before the police arrived, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line." Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake!"

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived more...

Graduate student lends his advisor a book on tensed logic by Arthur N. Prior. Advisor reads it, then tells his student that he dropped it off in the student's mail box. Moments later the student returns, and breathlessly exclaims: "Professor, professor. Someone's stolen my Prior."

To which the professor sagely replies: "You're lucky around this department they haven't stolen your posterior."