Spits Jokes / Recent Jokes

25 facts of life1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.6. A penny saved is worthless.7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.9. The one more...

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch. The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. The patron takes a sip... same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied. All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges... he promptly spits it out." That tastes like pee!," he shoots back at the more...

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12 year old scotch. The bartender, thinking the guy doesn't know the difference, pours him a shot of 2 year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He quickly yells at the bartender, "Hey, bozo, I said 12 year old scotch!"
Still unimpressed, the bartender pours a shot of 6 year old scotch. The patron takes a sip and spits it out too.
Still not believing the patron really knows the difference, the bartender pours a shot of 10 year old scotch. Again, he gets the same reaction from the patron.
Finally convinced, the bartender pours him a shot of 12 year old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is very satisfied.
While all of this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says, ""Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges and immediately spits it out.
"That tastes like more...

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"That tastes like more...

A guy gets on a bus and sits in the front seat. He spits on the floor and says "F***! What a driver!" After he does this a few times, the driver orders him off the bus.

Another guy gets off at the same time. The guy spits on the sidewalk and says "F***! What a driver!"

The second guy says, "I didn't think that guy was a bad driver. What's your problem with him?"

He says "I wasn't talking about the bus driver. When I was walking to the bus stop I saw a really ugly fat broad trying to park a pink 1979 Cadillac Eldorado convertible in a space that was about a foot longer than the car. I yelled at her' Lady, if you can get that car into that space, I'll
eat your snatch.' Ptui! F***! What a driver!"

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks “this guy doesn’t know the difference, ” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo! ”
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip…same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn’t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
“Shay mishter, tashte this! ” The patron obliges…he promptly spits it out.
“That tastes like more...

25 facts of life1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 6. A penny saved is worthless. 7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies. 8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 9. The more...