Spelled Jokes

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    REAL STORY: A Cork Radio Station in Ireland, 96 FM, was running a competition to find contestants who could come up with words that were not found in any English Dictionary, yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali for a week.
    The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two, needless to say, stood out:
    DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
    Caller: Hi, me name's Dave.
    DJ: Dave, what is your word?
    Caller: Goan: spelled G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an.'
    DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct, Dave, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now, for a trip for two to Bali, can you make a sentence using that word and at the same time making logical sense?
    Caller: "Goan fuck yourself!"
    At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced that there was no place for that sort of language on a family show.
    After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the more...

    The word "racecar", "kayak", and "radar" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

    "a man a plan a canal panama" spelled backwards is still "a man a plan a canal panama"

    A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

    A snail can sleep for three years.

    Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

    "Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

    If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

    The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

    Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food FROM freezing.

    The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

    Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming more...

    A man was in an ice cream parlor waiting to buy some ice cream. There was one lady in front of him. She ordered a chocolate cone.
    The soda-jerk told her he's sorry but they have run out of chocolate. She said, " OK, then I'll have some chocolate."
    He told her, " Lady, I'm out of chocolate."
    Once again she said, " OK, I'll just have some chocolate."
    Exasperated, he said, " Lady, spell VAN as in vanilla."
    She spelled van.
    He said, " Good, now spell STRAW as in strawberry."
    She spelled straw.
    He said, " Good, now spell FUCK as in chocolate."
    The lady said, " There is no fuck in chocolate."
    He replied, "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

    Mrs. Goldberg went to the doctor because she hadn't been "regular" in quite some time. The doctor examined her, found nothing unusual and attributed her problem to her diet and her age. He recommended that she take a laxative.
    "Doctor," Mrs. Goldberg admonished him, "remember - I'm kosher. Whatever you prescribe for me MUST be kosher!"
    "Mrs. Goldberg," he replied, "I want you to take Serutan and don't worry, it's kosher."
    "You're sure, doctor? You're absolutely positive it's kosher? Because if it's not kosher, I can't take it and I'd be very upset to find out it wasn't kosher!"
    "Mrs. Goldberg," the doctor assured her, "of course it's kosher. Serutan spelled backwards is NATURES and what could be more kosher than nature?"
    Reassured, Mrs. Goldberg left the office. Two weeks later, Mrs. Goldberg came storming into the doctor's office. "Doctor!" she screamed, "I'm so more...

    Did you know that "verb" is a noun?

    How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?

    If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?

    If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?

    If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

    If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

    If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this also mean that you would have to "member" somebody in order to remember them?

    In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?

    Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?

    Is there another word for a synonym?

    Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

    What is another word for "thesaurus"?

    Where do more...

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