Solution Jokes / Recent Jokes

Should the tree be real or fake?
Yuppie Solution: Live tree, planted after use
Male Solution: Fake tree, discarded after use
Female Solution: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
Reality: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs
Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
Yuppie Solution: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
Male Solution: Bulbs flash logo of football team
Female Solution: Elegant flickering candles
Reality: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down
Should the tree be topped with an angel or a star?
Yuppie Solution: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
Male Solution: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
Female Solution: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
Reality: Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts
Do you fling or hang tinsel?
Yuppie Solution: Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
Male Solution: Six large clumps of tinsel on front more...

Here's the best solution to the Bin Laden problem yet... Send in some special forces, smuggle Bin Laden to a hospital and give him a complete sex change operation.

THEN return _her_ to Afghanistan to live life as a woman!


(give him a female circumcision while they're at it)

Q: How many Artificial Intelligence (AI) people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal problem solver, One to hack the production system, One to indicate about how it is a model of human lightbulb changing behaviour], The logical formalism group (16): [One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in first order logic, One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in second order logic, One to show the adequacy of FOL, One to show the inadequacy of FOL, One to show that lightbulb logic is non-monotonic, One to show that it isn't non-monotonic, One to show how non-monotonic logic is incorporated in FOL, One to determine the bindings for the variables, One to show the completeness of the solution, One to show the consistency of the solution, One to show that the two just above are incoherent, One to hack a theorem prover for lightbulb more...

INTER OFFICE MEMORANDUM
SUBJECT: Solution to Y2K Problem
Factory Networks is pleased to announce the successful completion of a pilot program that was developed to establish a low-cost solution to the Year 2000 issue. In accordance with the wishes of the our manager, at meeting last week, we have been asked to implement this plan on a group-wide basis ASAP. Our new goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. Reduction in technical problems
3. Major reduction in software costs.
4. Smaller learning curve for our managers.
As part of our continuing effort to be proactive in our customer relations, we are including the most frequently asked questions from our test group from the pilot phase. We believe that these questions cover approximately 99% of the issued involved with the new 'systems' - though we recognize it more...

Y2K Solution:' Millenium Year Application Software System' (MYASS)

We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as:' Millenium Year Application Software System' (MYASS). Next Monday at 9:00 am there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. As for the status of implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it.

Just this morning, I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.

I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. more...

There are two solutions to the problem in Eastern Europe, the practical solution and the miraculous solution.
The practical solution is that the Virgin Mary and the Archangels Gabriel and Michael would come down and set things straight. That is the practical solution.
The miraculous solution is the Eastern European's would learn to compromise.

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say,' Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."

He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that... that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's more...