Socks Jokes / Recent Jokes
My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
I will not fish out my human's partial plate from the glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, more...
The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206, 000, 000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
"Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.
"Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the more...
On his first visit to the psychiatrist, the nervous young man explained that his family made him seek help because he preferred cotton socks to woolen ones. "That's no reason for you to see me," retorted the physician. "In fact, I myself prefer cotton socks."
"Really?" the happy patient exclaimed. "Do you like yours with oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
On the first day of summer camp, the director informed all the little campers that he expected them to put on a fresh pair of socks every day. Two weeks later, Johnny failed to appear at the morning flag raising. The director found him still in his cot.
"Why aren't you lined up with the other boys?" He asked.
"I can't get my shoes on over fourteen pairs of socks!"
Belts. Women use belts an an accessory, guys use belts to perch
their pants precariously on their crack.
Hats. Same deal. Do women need them? No. Why? Because there is a
choice, when you are having a bad hair day, you can (A) Spend 45
minutes in the bathroom dousing your hair with chemicals and goos, or
(B) Toss on a hat to cover up the nasty hair.
Socks. Guys wear white gymsocks, females have to go and wear pink and
purple frilly puffy socks. Socks thinner than public restroom toilet
paper. I mean c'mon ladies, when you're wearing pants does the color
or the socks really matter?
Bracelets. Who thought up these things? These are worse than
Minesweeper for wasting time. You can jingle them, and you can play
with them, they aren't good for much else!
Creams/Lotions/Oinments. Why do females have 19 different exfoliation
creams? I mean c'mon, it just clutters up the countertop in the
bathroom. A guy's bathroom: more...
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled, more...